He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
