I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
