His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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