WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
