Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
