That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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