so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
