I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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