5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
