he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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