Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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