I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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