I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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