I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
