Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Boobs are out for the taking
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
