Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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