tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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