Its about making memories worth repressing
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
