u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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