Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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