I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
