This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
