Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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