A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
