I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
