i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
