I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
