i wish starbucks made bloody marys
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
