I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
