sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
