just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
