did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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