I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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