its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
