My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dignity is for republicans.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Boobs are out for the taking
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
