if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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