I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
