Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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