So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You were trust falling into bushes
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
