I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
