He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
