The maid of honor just puked.
420 ftw
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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