Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
