apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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