Who wears a wallet chain?!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
