This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
