1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
