Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
