Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
