Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
