yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
